In today’s Artist Talk, it’s time for a throwback. I did some weird-ass youtube videos on this a long while back but we gone talk about it again here.

I woke up one morning and in my pool of random first thoughts, this one painting came up. It was a piece that I did several years ago at a figure painting workshop hosted by the prestigious Studio Incamminati in Philadelphia. Back when I was a young pup (my early-20s) beginning to define my artistic direction, my goal was to excel in contemporary realist figure painting. If you can believe it. Looking back on it now, this might have been the piece that made me reconsider that path, because that was probably the most difficult experience I’ve ever had in a classroom environment. I don’t find myself getting frustrated too easily, but this shit made me cry after class for 2 nights in a row.

There were a few things that came together about this piece that broke me down. First, the Anders Zorn palette. It’s a very limited color palette using only yellow ochre, ivory black, cadmium red and titanium white…Yeahhh just go ‘head and remove both my arms and my eyeballs.

Though on the one hand, I appreciated the challenge that it presented to me at the time, I cringe every time I think about it. It felt like very little room for expression at all. Second, because this style of painting requires exceptional observational skills and execution, a lot is expected from the students. The instructors are highly accomplished professionals and I could tell that they were trying to push me to the next level. BUT, that nudging, through no fault of their own, is also what made me feel like shit because I just could not get it “right” despite how much they were trying to help me. No matter what I thought I was doing the painting was still…off. It bothered me to no end! My hands were just not painting what I was seeing and I became so, so defeated. And I cried. Pitifully. Right into my Tommy DiNic’s roast pork sandwich, for 2 nights in a row.

In hindsight, I’m more okay with how it turned out than I used to be. I understand that it was only for practice. There are some successful areas, and there are some some parts I wish I could’ve done better. Ultimately, I chose to view it as a tough lesson in going easier on myself when it comes to participating in these workshops. It was also a pivotal moment in my development because this was the last project before becoming inspired to move into the style in which I paint to this day. So at least SOMEthing really good came out of this particular struggle. Allegedly.