Last weekend I created my very first public work of art! The city of Reno has been commissioning local artists to paint traffic signal boxes around town, and this year I was able to do one. Ever since I moved to Reno I had thought about applying to paint a box, but never convinced myself to do it. For a while it just didn't feel right for me to apply because I didn't think that I had established myself enough in the Reno art scene yet. I don't know, it didn't seem like something I would have "earned." Finally, this year felt like the perfect time to at least try.Coming out of a hiatus, a lot of my time has been spent trying to figure out the moves that I want to make from this point. I'm looking for shit to apply to and art places to contact. I definitely think that I'm throwing stuff at the wall and seeing what sticks. The good and bad thing about that is that I'm opening myself up to things that may be outside of my comfort zone. Painting this traffic signal box is certainly one of those things. I've never worked that big before, the subject matter was also a departure for me, and I'm not used to painting 3-dimensional objects. Plus, I work almost solely in oil paint, indoors, by myself. Just about everything regarding this project was outside of my comfort zone. At the same time, it was really important to me to be able to paint a box out here because I view it as a proverbial "I was here" of sorts. My time in Reno has served many defining moments and experiences, probably more so than any other time in my life. I can truly say that I've been living through the best and worst times of my life so far, and I will never forget it. So this "chapter" of my life is special to me, for better or worse, and to be able to leave a part of myself here in some way means more than I can express. I wanted to make sure that I painted something that was personal and honest, something that I could live with lasting for many years, with or without me living here.One cool thing was that some of my friends were able to stop by at various times while I was working. I want to send a loud and proud shout out to Larisa, Brit, Shawna, Jason, Yannick, Jashon and Prince the dog. Having some of my good friends there was a huge morale-booster because I had a lot of anxiety about painting this box. Everything about it was new to me and it felt like big undertaking. I wasn't totally sure how it would be received and I really wanted to do great work. Reno is a town of amazing, meaningful murals - I have to make mine count! Having my friends show up to hang out and help me do all the things that I would've had a hard time remembering to do myself, such as take pictures and video, was a wonderful feeling. At one point we had a mini-block party going on! Check out this Instagram Live video:

The idea behind the painting is about a feeling that I've been ruminating over for a couple of years now. One thing about living in a mostly white town as a person of color, as a black woman, is that it heightens one's senses about their "otherness." I hate to admit this because I actually really like Reno and the people I've met, but one of the challenges for me while living here has been figuring out how to manage the mix of subtle and obvious threats to my identity. Even amongst some of the most open, "woke" and understanding people that I know here, sometimes I still find myself feeling separate or at least more keen about certain disadvantages and prejudices I may face in the short and long term. I don't think that it has completely consumed me yet, but I face these thoughts and feelings often enough for it to stand out. If nothing else, it's all been a wake up call for me to just be more aware and connect the dots, where before I guess I never really did. I hadn't been challenged this way in past. Or perhaps I always was but never had the vocabulary for it or had the tools to connect to those feelings until now.Growing up in the DMV area, which is culturally diverse and home to many affluent black families (though I wasn't from one of them), apparently brought me under a certain level of protection that I didn't realize I had until now. One or two personal experiences with racism or racial prejudice come to mind, but certainly not to the degree that I seem to be faced with it since moving to Reno. I was completely unprepared for that. Observations and feelings that used to quietly simmer within me throughout my life now make so much sense. I continue to notice how much I have to absorb and internalize, and that the "safe spaces" of which to speak freely on such matters, or to seek refuge, are almost non-existent. The people of color that I engage with in this town: close friends, acquaintances, and even strangers, have expressed similar sentiments. With more black and brown people being introduced to Reno through work or school and making it their home, I think that it becomes imperative that they have a way of feeling like they can belong. The community is small, but it exists - we really outchea! I think it's important for the non-black population in Reno to see and acknowledge that as well, and embrace it even. I'd like to think that the City's acceptance of my art proposal for the signal box is indicative of the steps that they're trying to take to do just that.In the meantime, many of us, including myself, still have to deal with being non-white in a mostly white space - which may or may not still hold on to certain conservative values (I haven't been able to tell which way Reno leans yet, seems about 50/50). I can only speak to my experience as a black woman, which is a very specific thing. What appears consistent for black women collectively is a sense of duality in the lives that we lead. Where we have to perform a dance to the tune of the version of ourselves we exhibit to the world at any given moment. To simplify it, a lot of times there's a disposition that we may feel pressured to uphold in order to make those around us feel "safe." However, underneath it all there's a latent frustration or dare I say it, anger, towards having to do so. It can make one feel less than a person at times. As if any slip up or crack in that armor could end up being a gross misjudgment by someone else, simply because of the preconceptions about black women (or black people in general). Sometimes we are just not allowed the same liberties of existence. I wish I could say that it was all in my head or that I was exaggerating, but even just examining some of the current news stories proves that this shit is very real. This was something that I wanted to shine a light on with the signal box painting. In my piece, the side that faces the most traffic is the face where the woman appears relaxed and content. On the flipside, the side that you have to make the effort to see, the woman is screaming.

In my work I usually I tend to be neutral regarding such matters. I'm just not particularly interested in making work about those feelings. However I figured with this project it made more sense to be real and bold, and to try to do something that truly spoke to my time here in this city. All in addition to offering a certain visibility for black folk in Reno that isn't quite there yet.