Over the last 6 years or so, I gradually became more publicly expressive through my artwork about my experiences and feelings regarding romance and dating. This year I was inspired to revisit an old idea for a series that I contemplated a few years ago. Back then I found myself in deep thought and reflection about love, sexuality, dating and my place within all of that. The trails of thought kept leading me to heart symbols, probably because that's the image that we always assign as the epicenter of all emotions about love. I wanted to find ways to incorporate hearts into my work and I wanted to paint them all the time. It was almost obsessive:
I think it was a huge point of interest a few years ago because I was falling for someone around that time, and in hindsight, the experience and that person ended up being such a gamechanger in my life. I was captivated.My approach to the original series of heart symbols was to paint hearts on a simple background, but to make them all different somehow by playing with color and mood. I think at that time my intention was to make a point about how every heart, just like every person, is unique, like snowflakes. I suppose one could go the route of seeing the heart symbol as how we have trivialized, commercialized and over-simplified love, but at the time I wasn't thinking of it like that. I just thought it was a cute idea, and could be a fun on-going project. After thinking about it more, it felt too one-dimensional for me. I was even painting them in acrylic, which is a medium that I'm not totally comfortable using. Though it still seemed fun to try out, I couldn't get 100% into it so I decided to shelve the idea until it felt right. As I went through the experience of that aforementioned love and dealt with the aftermath, I had a lot of growing pains and realizations in a short amount of time. I thought more and more about the current landscape of romance and dating, and about my own history with it. The deep thinking lead me back to reconsidering the heart series again, but this time I had a more weathered and realistic mindset. So was the start of the "corazónes." Instead of the flat color and shapes that were part of the original approach, I opted for human hearts. I decided to use my medium of choice, oil paint, and employ the looser brushwork that has become my chosen style in recent years. I also started becoming attached to painting on wood panels, so along with the concept even the materials received an upgrade (before, I used cheap canvas board for those paintings).
The more current version feels like the way for me to go. It seems more mature, more layered and more meaningful than the original idea that I had. It's just a better match overall, and I'm excited to move forward with it now, which is a necessary feeling. I've already done a human heart painting in this series that's become one of my favorite pieces so far. I'll do a post about that one next time.I'm looking forward to using this idea as a springboard to experiment with many more color possibilities! Would love to know your thoughts in the comments.**Read on to part 2**
Artist Talk - "InstaLove: #solodolo"
I'm a 32 year old, never-been-married single black woman living in Reno. No roommates, no kids. No romantic prospects. No best friends. No family. I moved to Reno in my 29th year of age, right about the age where if one hasn't freaked out about their life yet, they definitely are about to. But I breezed right through it and still remain mostly unaffected. Other than what I may have absorbed from society, I've never felt a real, immediate pressure to team up with someone. I may have put pressure on myself in the past, or have had strong suggestions by friends, but that's about it. Over the years, I've become quite settled into a life of being singular.The word "brave" has been thrown out there by some people to describe what I'm doing. Though it flatters me (I think), I don't really understand why people say that. Is it brave because I'm a woman? Is it brave because I'm a woman my 30s? Is it brave because I'm a black woman in my 30s, living in a mostly non-black population? Or is it brave because I don't give a shit about any of that? To me it feels like I'm just living my life. I'm not really risking anything that deep for me to see some kind of "bravery" in it. Being teamed up with someone isn't something one can choose with just anybody. For it to be right, a lot of elements have to line up that are simply out of our control. If I've learned anything from Life and/or my parents, it's that I have to be ok with MYSELF and with what I'M doing above all; then make adjustments as needed beyond that. Yes, I suppose it would be nice to have a partner sometimes for some things, but I'm not pressed at all. For me to want to align myself with another person, would have to take a really fuckin' fantastic person and the right circumstances! In the 6 years that I've been single there has only been one or two people with whom I could've seen myself taking that kind of a risk. Outside of that, I've been ok with just me - for better or worse. It isn't about distracting myself with work and friends or to "keep busy" to avoid loneliness. People can still feel lonely even with all that going for themselves. I'm also not trying to prove anything to anyone or to spite society. I'm just, being. For now, and probably the foreseeable future, I guess I have to accept "being" single. Maybe I will always stay this way. Would that be the worst thing? I've done so much by myself so far, and I like who I am and I like my general position in life, how different or bad would my life really be if I never fell in-step with anyone again? No one seems to want to admit this, but I know that it's possible that I may never be with "the love of my life," let alone even FIND a person like that if I haven't already. I'm not sure yet what I think about that actuality. What I do know, is that I'd rather create a life and a mind for myself that isn't dependent on whether I do have a partner or not.The painting above is an important one to me. It's not meant to be a lamentation of a love I don't have, though I can see how one might think that right away. But those colors are not sad colors at all! For me it's merely a statement of a truth in my life. The "solodolo" painting for me is more about a certain freedom than a cry to have a romantic love in my life. It seems like we hear about love found, love lost and the search for love all the time. What about accepting no romantic love at all? I'd like to hear more from that perspective. And not the "I don't need no man," or "These hoes ain't loyal" type of shit. Though I'm sure it's empowering to some, to me it reads as defensive or like an armor that people sometimes use to cover up a deeper pain. I see right through that. However what I'm talking about is more of a calm, content acceptance of a life that apparently many of us can't imagine. A kind of life that we are inclined to take pity in when we see it in others.I still don't know if I'd use the term "brave" for singular people in the world, but I hope that the projection of pity or sadness will continue to be removed from the singular life.Would love to know your thoughts in the comments.
Invincible Summer
My most recent work is now showing at The Lasting Dose Gallery along with fellow Reno artists Lisa Kurt and Kelly Ogilvie for a show called, Invincible Summer. While preparing for this show, I faced a string of external distractions. I worked through it by reminding myself of the commitment that I made with everyone else involved in the project and by also reminding myself that the hard-times were temporary, if not entirely all in my head. I think the theme of Invincible Summer seemed fitting for my situation because I spent the majority of the winter in almost a full retreat. It was a kind of "hibernation" in a sense because I had to focus intensely on myself and my art-related work inside and outside of the studio. I kept to myself a lot, observing almost everything around me offline and online, figuring out how I wanted to interpret the theme of our show, my next steps as an artist and then executing. It's been an extremely intense and emotional time for me over the last 5 to 6 months. However, I seem to have made it out of the first few humps and am starting to emerge again...a little bit. Hopefully I'm mentally and emotionally stronger, wiser, more aware and ready to engage the world again. We'll see how true that is in the coming weeks.For now, please check out what I think is my best work from the show and read more about this group art exhibition here. The work will be on-view through June 3rd. If you're interested in purchasing a painting, please contact Kelsey or Mike at lastingdosegallery@gmail.c